I have always struggled to complete a task. I start it, then my mind drifts to the next thing. I have good intentions but I need to follow through with those tasks. If my friends were a physician, I believe they would diagnose me with a short attention span. Good thing they love me through my flaws! My mind is filled with so many things I want to achieve in life. I dream of becoming a Christian motivational speaker someday. Will it happen? Only God knows, but I think HE gifted me the talent of writing for a reason. No matter Yahweh’s plan, I want to honor HIM in all I do. When I was asked to participate in writing for this blog, I immediately accepted the invitation but soon came to realize I had no clue what I should write! I have written several things I could easily share but I kept hearing the word no. Immediately, I started to talk with my heavenly Father and asking for clarity. The Lord kept leading me to Yahweh-Nissi, “The Lord Is my Banner.” John 16:33 explains that ALL people will face many trials and sorrows here on earth. As humans, when they come, they hurt, and we don’t like the unbearable pain it brings to the pit of our stomachs—sometimes feeling as if we are Pilgrims on a journey with no direction. It is during these times we can miss hearing God speak because we want to control the situation, especially amid a storm. I find myself guilty of this quite often. I am a mom of two girls. One is twenty-three, and the other just hit eighteen this past July. Our family is not traditional. Our oldest daughter belongs to me from a previous marriage, and the youngest is my current husbands. We are a typical blended family. During COVID-19, when families were battling with the Pandemic. Our family was not exempt from tragedy. At the time our eighteen-year-old daughter was just a little over fifteen. Her biological mother unexpectedly passed away. Which forced swift changes for her; she had to relocate where she lived and moved in with our family full-time. She went from an every other weekend visit to dramatic changes of life for her. Life as she knew it was hit by what I am sure felt like hurricane winds that flipped her world entirely upside down. Not only losing her mother, she lost the freedom that allowed her to get into trouble and fall into temptations that could have ruined her future or even her life. God allowed us to have her full-time for the next three years, and eventually I adopted her as my own child. She has been a part of my life since she was six months old, and I will always love her as any parent could. The trials of losing a parent is difficult enough as an adult, but for a fifteen year old, I am sure it is much harder, and finding acceptance can be a great enigma. Our family lacked understanding, but from John 13:7, we can trust one day we will understand his plan. After she moved in my husband and I prayed that we could get her on track to making significant changes in her choices, and drawing her closer to God. As parents, our desire was to see her succeed and become a true child of God. After all, if Jesus’s ministry ran for a span of three years and gathering many new believers, we believed HE could do great work for her over those three crucial years with our family. I know our children are a gift from God (Psalm 127:3), but at times, they can be pretty challenging, and our family is not spared from them. My husband and I are currently enduring some hardship with our eighteen-year-old that has made our hands feel tethered and our hearts worn. Sometimes, we feel like we are roaming in the wilderness, with armies all around, just like the Israelites, afraid of what is to come. Our daughter has recently cut off all communication with her Father and I, making parenting feel as if we failed her. We do not know her reasoning behind her actions, but we trust God does. At first, my tears flowed daily. Now, they are starting to get less. I learned our battle was not with the flesh; it was with a thief, and we all know him as satan! He is here to steal, kill, and destroy families (John 10:10). My husband deals with his hurt in a different way than I do, and we talk about our hurt, but at times, it fuels anger. We both are battling a hurt that we know only our heavenly Father can heal. As the days pass, we can move forward, but she is our missing link to our family unit, and we will continue to pray and give God thanks through this test (1 Thess. 5:16-17).I have been asking God to guide me and help my husband, and I to find acceptance and leave it at the feet of Jesus. I have prayed daily, and I still do ask for help and healing. At times I feel as if I could not hear what God was trying to say to me because my hurt is so deep. I wanted to hear God speak directly to me; it made me weep and ask God directly why I could not hear him. The thunder was too loud, and it felt as if the lightening was hitting directly to my heart. Then, while listening to The Bible Recap by Tara-Leigh Cobble, I heard a part of the scripture that had not registered before. It was as if a giant light bulb just lit over my head! With excitement and tears of joy! I immediately stopped the audio and replayed it. I opened my Bible, looked it up, and read it over and over. Then, I researched it using Google. Yes, Google. I wanted to make sure what I was hearing was a word from God directly to me. I immediately started crying and called my husband to share the good news. The story God shared with me came from Exodus 17: 8-14; the Israelites were free from Egypt and faced a battle with the Amalekites. Moses had told Joshua to gather men and go fight the army of Amalek. Moses would stand at the top of the hill and hold the staff of God in his hand. Joshua obeyed. Moses did as he said and held the staff up. Each time the staff was held up, the Amalek would lose, but Moses’ arm grew tired, and with the help of Aaron and Hur, they would help him hold it high so they could defeat the Amalekites. After their victory, Moses built an altar and named it Yahweh-Nissi (which means “the Lord is my banner’). It made me realize this battle my husband and I are in, we can claim victory! He told us to surround ourselves with other Christian believers and allow them to help us hold our staff up high. Other believers will be there to pray for our family, and when we are tired and feeling weary, they are right there helping us claim victory! Did this end the battle? No, it certainly did not! There was more for our family to endure. In the mix, my other daughter’s father passed away. My heart shattered all over again. It was like I was grieving our marriage ending once more. I also hurt for my daughter, his current wife, and his family. They remained special to me and to my husband. Our marriage may not have worked out, but we worked together as a family unit for our daughters benefit. The grief at times feels unbearable because the storms collided, and caused a deeper grief within my heart. I know God has reasons for all of this, but during the grief, my heart aches. A dear friend (believer) understood my grief and shared a Bible verse, Exodus 14:14: “The LORD will fight for you; you need to only be still. (NLT).” It was then I realized God was speaking to me again; he reminded me that other believers are there to help me through; I need to be still and allow him to do the work for me. We all face many difficulties in our life, and at times it feels as if there is no end, but we ALL who are children of God, can remain steadfast under trials, because our father has promised the crown of life to those who love him (James 1:12-14). I will be excited to share the victory story, when Gods timing allows for it to be. Until then, I need to remember, “The LORD is my banner.” When I feel down about everything, I say, “Yahweh-Nissi.”

Christy Guthrie Jack